Not A Fatty Fatty Fatty Fatty Boombalatty

These days weight loss is all that I've had on my mind.  I'm pretty much obsessed with food, not so much eating food, but staying away from food.  I try to convince myself that I'm not crazy, but I am, so be it.  I just hope that I do not pass this crazy onto my kids.  I read about a 9 year old girl that because of her mother's obsession with thin, was dieting.  I don't want to do that to my kids.  I want them confident, and healthy.  I am very careful not to say demeaning things about myself, and I don't think demeaning things about myself.  My mom once told me that if I don't talk about flaws, people will over look them.  But if I go on and on about the zit on my face, or my muffin top, that is what people will notice.  I've found that to be true.  In my 20's I knew a girl that was always down on herself, she would always complain about her looks, her weight, her features, etc.  One night drinking I had had enough of the whining and I yelled at her 'YES YOU ARE FAT AND UGLY, SHUT UP OKAY!'  Stupid girl just wanted us to tell her she was pretty...she a damn model now.  Whatever. 

I am happy with the amout of weight that I've lost, and I'm doing really good at eating correctly.  I'm even preparing very healthy meals for my family, which they are eating.  We are eating REAL.  Or at least trying to.  We do have the weekly binge on eating out, but I'm trying to curtail the binge to one meal a weekend, not the entire damn weekend. 

Two damns...I must be in a mood.

Journeys

I'm on a journey, a personal journey that requires dedication, determination, and a stubborn mind set.  I hope that I can achieve my goals, but the means to the end may not be the best.  I cannot divulge the means, but the end will be worth it.  Cryptic.

Too Many

I have too many things to post about that I cannot organize them into an actual post, just jump inside my noggin to help me sort things out, okay?  :)

This past weekend I was cleaning out clutter and came across a photo albumn from 2001.  I did not realize that 2001 was 11 years ago!  It does not feel like it has been 11 years since I was thin, trim, & fit, prompting my latest crash diet...that begins this coming Sunday-weeeeeee!

Time.  Time has been my theme this week, seems like all the songs on the radio are about time.  How time is fleeting, how the lyricist has missed out on good times, how time is useless, how time stands still (name the songs to which I refer and you can have the cookie that I cannot eat come Sunday).  I thought about how long it has been since I smoked my last cigarette, taken my last diet pill, thrown up from my last hang over.  I also thought about my last first kiss and how I tingled all over, my last pregnancy test, my last slobbery messy full body tackle from my toddler, my last wish as I fell asleep last night that my children are safe and warm in their dreams, and the last feeling of my sweet husband's hand holding mine as he breathed deeply indicating that he was, in fact, safe and warm in his dreams.

I shall never want as long as those three people in my life are safe and happy.  I shall cease to exist if they are ever taken from me.  They have become my Time. 

Testing 1. 2. 3. Is this thing on??

Done.  Completed.  Finished...with the reproductive phase of my little life.  I am happy, I mean really really head over heals happy.  I've heard of this, of this happiness, of how it consumes, resonates though my whole being.  Yeah, that is parenting.  Well, sort of.  Except the times when they are both howling.  And the times when we are both too exhaused to even kiss goodnight. But those are just moments, not the whole thing. 

So, welcome to my blog!  This is yet another edited version of myself and my life, the real raw me belongs to my man and a handful of close friends.  Welcome, voyers!